The Power of Habit
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes that
Goals are for people who care about winning once. Systems are for people who care about winning repeatedly.
We rise or fall to the level of our systems. But family systems often don’t exist. Chaos, rush, and stress dominate. Spontaneity works on some days. Exhaustion wins on others.
If systems and habits are at the core of our successes, developing effective, usable systems becomes a skill that matters.
Can you write out your morning system? Your weekly meal system? Your exercise routine/system?
What’s the system for strengthening your relationship with your spouse/partner? Your kids?
Here are three practical systems I recommend:
Mornings
- Prep everything from uniforms, shoes, and schoolbags to breakfast choices and lunch decisions the night before.
- Get enough sleep (that’s children and parents)
- Wake up early enough to be ready before the kids need to get started
- Wake your children up with at least a 15-minute margin in case of challenges
- Reduce correction and direction and build connection by asking how you can help
Develop your morning system along these guidelines and watch your family effectiveness and connection shift.
Getting on the Same Page
- Have a weekly couples meeting and a weekly family meeting (with treats if necessary)
- Ask “what’s working this week?”, “what’s not?”, and “what will we work on next week?”
- Make a plan and ensure kids and partner buy-in
- Integrate accountability processes each morning or evening
Building a Better Relationship
- Touch each other when you pass in the corridor, sit in the car together, or anytime you can
- Answer the phone with delight rather than “yep” or “what’s up”
- Schedule a regular date (that doesn’t include watching a screen)
- Share long kisses when you leave the house and when you return
- Remember to say “hi” and “bye”
- Say “I love you” and use their name
- Have sex that focuses on female pleasure. (As the famous book is titled, She Comes First.) Prioritise sexy time so it isn’t 10pm exhausted “get it over with” sex.
- Have a night away together once every quarter/term.
These are idea starters, not gospel. Creating positive habits together with small and consistent daily actions aligned with your system move the needle.
It’s not just about what you do today, but about what you do every day. Your family’s happiness and your parenting effectiveness will reflect the habits you establish over time.
Want More?
The Happy Families Podcast
Episode #674 | The Power of Habit
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