The second connection challenge is focused on how you relate to your daughter. It’s fundamental to having a deep, positive connection, and it’s profoundly impactful yet incredibly simple.
I want you to keep track of the little things you do and say that make your daughter feel loved and feel connected
with you, and actually count the total positive interactions you have.
As an example, when you wake her in the morning, do you do it gently and with warmth and kindness? When she enters the room do you notice her? Do you smile? Do you acknowledge her? Do you touch her? Do you tell her that when you see her you feel so grateful for her that you could just burst!? (Ok, for some I might be overdoing it, but you get the idea.) When she leaves for school do you hug, kiss, tell her you love her, or offer connection in some other way?
The goal of this challenge is to track the number of ways (and the amount of effort required) to really make connections work. I have repeatedly said that just as dollars are the currency of our economy, attention is the currency of our relationships. But perhaps a better word might be “connection”. Connection is the currency of our relationships.
At the end of the day, you might like to sit on your daughter’s bed and talk about what you tried. Ask her what she noticed. Talk about how you can focus more on connection and reduce the burdensome correction and direction that is so typical in parent-teenager situations. Discuss how it made you both feel and work out how you can make that kind of effort every day. (And make sure you hug and kiss her goodnight to finish things off positively.)